Its the holiday's AGAIN! quite a eventful days that have gone by.
You know exams being over and all, rofl so bloody happy.
so been back on WOW again, but it felt so strange,
a familiar yet cold place. of course i saw the past there and memories do resurface again.
its strange how it is here that i realise how having too much free time can really
craze up my mental health and stuff. Well, its been awkward being back to the
old "DMC" clan , which i found out got disbanned after there was a suppsoed "curse"
of balchelorship. i found it funny though. The outing was more intellectual than anything else
and somehow coincidentally we didnt meet up. Somehow i always known i suppress things and avoid things instead of confronting the problem, probably a flaw of mine all should know.
Even in wow, felt abit awkward and all. Retrospectively , i think i overreacted ALOT.
but hey i had nothing to do but scutinize things all day long. i was looking for a way to mend ties but yet i lack the strength and ability to do so. Ive been gaining what have been happening to "THE PIMP" gang and their promiscuous activities... u know clubbing and all, and saw how the many social groups differ so much. There are those who are so much mentally older, experience so much more of life's journey. The bona fide DEfacto been there done that, and there are those who are protected in the sphere of what we call morals and education. Fortunately for me, ive seen both sides and i do know whats going on at my age, however normal or adnormal it is.
Somewhere, along talking about all these chim discussion with THE PIMPs, i have found myself lacking in wisdom in so many things now. How some people are have grown so much mentally, i personally believe my perception significantly differs froms theirs. Going into that night, i did alot of reflection, on who i was and who i am. I found that ive been always waiting, always staying on the grey line. A line between who i want to be and the morally right me. Ive always been holding back, and now im finding a way out.
Being the same these days, doesnt cut it any more. its true that social influences us so much, but isnt that the way it should be? youth that doesnt appear to be cool, fun or different just isnt a youth anymore. Even for me, smoking used to be a 100% no, now its a maybe. smoking is cool, some deny it, some dont... but the fact is the fact, it makes u look cool, so who doesnt want that?
honestly, i was looking to try it, after all you only live once.Christmas is comming anyway, a time for joy =) and for me the best present is for me is to forgive myself for everything thats gone wrong. That is my christmas resolution for this year
Cheers.
