The predicament
heh, escaped another day of school work =))))
well, not sure how, now sure why suddenly been thinking about stuff again.
Its kinda funny but i had the mood to go shopping! Anyway just got back from TAKA after buying most of their presents. This would be for JANUARY peeps...but it linked back to my own birthday. WHICH i wasnt too happy about, you see, most of the people who help be celebrate my birthday was classmate, CDS-mates or other CCA people AC people also wanted to celebrate for me!. But it was abit dissapointing for me, when most of those i suppose to be my close friends HARDLY put in effort to REMEMBER MY last birthday. So, im quite tempted to forget about it, im still pondering. Hmmm especially so for them. I still havent got one present though... i got a softtoy thing for jarrett and his car, some funny metal puzzle for bobs and a voodoo doll for my classmate. Last one i was intending to get polo ralph explorer for ming but then again now im thinking twice. lol i think hes gonna be attached to someone quite soon so probably not hmm
, seems like a fruitless effort anyway
Blogged @ 12/30/2007 08:25:00 PM
perception
Change is such a strange thing, and changing people are strang-er. Its funny how i thought i had change all along, yet personality is so enduring. Its like bad habits, when it boils down to it, you revert to the basics again. The ugly old self. Im always afraid to step back into the past... i might become the thing i hate but then comes being yourself.
Its so contridictive, so overlappy. Its like all those other oxymorons, hard to decide.. hard to choose. These days, im picking alot of mixed signals from alot of different people. I am having a hard time though. Sometimes things are all good, some times its bad, i cant expect too much though. Even with some things are was fretting over recently. Ive made to effort to initiate, ive tried to be less evasive, I have tried. I tried to fix everythings thats wrong, and yet sometimes, it doesnt work.
Having said so, no one can blame me, God cant blame me for i HAVE did my best. ive looked pass the past and forged ahead, if the weather of a journey decides to take a turn for the worst, its beyond me. Though, the week havent been all that fun, its not to say none-existant =). Did have some here and there, trying to see the silver lining in every cloud X.
Oh if you havent noticed, i change the blog a bit... no more tagboards, it was abit unused anyway. And i decided the blog was more for a reflective and reference in future, instead of a public domain, although it can act like so. Changed the theme to something abit more emo, the current feeling i have these days.
Blogged @ 12/28/2007 02:05:00 AM
Craft to Confront
Its the holiday's AGAIN! quite a eventful days that have gone by.
You know exams being over and all, rofl so bloody happy.
so been back on WOW again, but it felt so strange,
a familiar yet cold place. of course i saw the past there and memories do resurface again.
its strange how it is here that i realise how having too much free time can really
craze up my mental health and stuff. Well, its been awkward being back to the
old "DMC" clan , which i found out got disbanned after there was a suppsoed "curse"
of balchelorship. i found it funny though. The outing was more intellectual than anything else
and somehow coincidentally we didnt meet up. Somehow i always known i suppress things and avoid things instead of confronting the problem, probably a flaw of mine all should know.
Even in wow, felt abit awkward and all. Retrospectively , i think i overreacted ALOT.
but hey i had nothing to do but scutinize things all day long. i was looking for a way to mend ties but yet i lack the strength and ability to do so. Ive been gaining what have been happening to "THE PIMP" gang and their promiscuous activities... u know clubbing and all, and saw how the many social groups differ so much. There are those who are so much mentally older, experience so much more of life's journey. The bona fide DEfacto been there done that, and there are those who are protected in the sphere of what we call morals and education. Fortunately for me, ive seen both sides and i do know whats going on at my age, however normal or adnormal it is.
Somewhere, along talking about all these chim discussion with THE PIMPs, i have found myself lacking in wisdom in so many things now. How some people are have grown so much mentally, i personally believe my perception significantly differs froms theirs. Going into that night, i did alot of reflection, on who i was and who i am. I found that ive been always waiting, always staying on the grey line. A line between who i want to be and the morally right me. Ive always been holding back, and now im finding a way out.
Being the same these days, doesnt cut it any more. its true that social influences us so much, but isnt that the way it should be? youth that doesnt appear to be cool, fun or different just isnt a youth anymore. Even for me, smoking used to be a 100% no, now its a maybe. smoking is cool, some deny it, some dont... but the fact is the fact, it makes u look cool, so who doesnt want that?
honestly, i was looking to try it, after all you only live once.Christmas is comming anyway, a time for joy =) and for me the best present is for me is to forgive myself for everything thats gone wrong. That is my christmas resolution for this year
Cheers.
Blogged @ 12/21/2007 11:06:00 PM
