project project assignment tutorials! OMG finally poly stress starting to creep in insidiously! as a leader,student,myself i should set an EXAMPLE but what can i do,my will is strong but the flesh weak. actually i dun see the logic in the phrase but nvm!. every one in the world having so much problems, the world almost seems to be destablising like the stock and foreign exchange markets. in flux for every second, every moment can be a huge gain or loss! yet someone claims to have formulated a winning method! life beens such a hazzle, looking for investment opportunies, expanding my mediocur relationships with ordinary friends and try to push it to something beyond just the hi-bye kinda friends. i feel mingyi has been sorely neglected while im having so many self-orientated agendas and school work, at least that day's prata was nice though. i think ruzz is finally understanding what im tryin to do although he seems perpetually bz with things and hes attention seems to be divided and diverted easily. simple game takes him away from chat for like 10mins, so much for undivided attention for friends! of course ideally u can't get there though there much room for improvement. So far no one else has met my lil criteria, feels like selecting a presidential candidate , integrity..character moral bullshit. poly friends are still abit "young" to be considered but they seem very nice besides some blahblha people
yesterday was a reminder of the happy memories in the past...
kinda erratic of rui to anyhow throw a party without any special occation but it didn't go unappreciated, at least not by me. Its been a kinda a time for me to escape the hectic poly life with impending assignements and exam where only grades matter. on that night,after i left the bbq, mingyi who is still my best pal had a nice chat la,i still feel he can empathize me best, and we had a meaningful conversation. i do sense a certain unspeakable bond of similar values and character that binds us together. i feel its important to have expand my close friends soon, and im actively looking out for good people now... ken obviously didn't pass my inspection! hes good with relating and talking but i can't tell where his true loyalty lies even though he attempts to be very biased and makes u feel good about urself,i shouldn't worry about him reading this because if my prediction is right, he wouldnt ANYWAY. rui seems to be a good candidate, i did try once but he wasn't ready, some personality mismatch but till recently, it just might be possible
on a less serious issue! another of lkys achievement.. predicting a 20year mrt map tada!, this is what it may look like in about another 20 years. lol not sure if out present leaders can predict 20 years ahead from now...
well it was a funny day, the lil group went out again!,after what seems to be months
but little did i know,i would be offended a little during that day.It started as a rainy day,what typical singaporeans would describe as torrential but is infact a small thunderstorm.A plans were dragged and delay a little but everyone was relatively happy.Minge couldn't go cuz we sorta couldn't contact him and if i knew him well, he would be doing some socialising as well.
there we went,meeting up and going,having a nice "pool" day, until a small issue came up playing a slightly competitive game. At first it was a small issue,i was brushing it off but silly me tried to use it as leverage,unknowingly exposing a side of someone i nv did wanna see.Ruzzy was also quite upset that day although hes one of those type u can never tell is sad or not sad.lol found out later some reasons and such...relationships pftt how perplexing.
So contiuning with the malicious character, while taking our businesses to the loo,i was psychoing him to stand against bobs repeatedly...everything fine so far and he agreed uncountable times , but almost immediately after meeting "master" bobs , he turned against me...hestitating abit at first but under the provocation of the "master" some small insults were thrown.
The thing is, its not about the issue of the entire matter, but not keeping your word,having a 2 face appearance..one for me and one for them. The group being strangely problematic and complicated follows no logical hiearchy and somehow the positive relations turns sour in the influence of the peers in the group. Disloyalty is something i can't stand unless in exceptional circumstances,maybe im reading too deeply into something so trivia but i tend to forsee who will make a good friend of mine.Perhaps i have failed to understand the group or the individuals as a whole, i do try my best to be concern and see wads best for everyone..regardless of waiting,advising or sharing my personal feelings. many a times, i help them do various errands without expecting returns and i never regretted that..vlzar did try to console me about this but at the end of the day i questioned him, who is the first one who asked you whats happening when it all goes wrong, and akward silence follows.
the only thing that was nice the other day was ironically the "master" said i looked abit nicer these days.small consolation for everything else thats happening.These days im quite aware who i want as a friend but its been tough, some people are in jcs and pity i only recently got to know them while they were with me in our alma mater and other has grown a lil out of familiarity after the jc/poly division. strangely,the funny jovial person i was is gone and the common conversational topic between those in the "higher" teritary institution no doubt has shrunk. Limited talking points,less presence in their lives...definately makes it harder to express my concerns towards them but through it all,deep inside,i can still see by the glint in their eyes, they are still who they once were.
