Closure part 1
well its 1:14 am now.
i was just reminsciening old times..old friends
triggered by one of my friend's photo
strange how years changes a person.
i never doubt about the power of time..
i really regretted not having good friends of everyone in my lower secondary days
if i recalled, i would be the "general friend". sure i talk to everyone and screw my studies
and yet...i dun even have a "group" or a "true" friend.
it worries me that i didnt achieve what i could have.
Life definately has many misses but i wanna ace them all.
if only i had foresight. i mean its not only the people i didn't interact with.
many acadamic issues and others were also not snatched.
i mean i could have done alot more and today i would be a very different person.
i have been very upset about this and ive been complaining and whining.. i know
but i just cannot put it to rest. i will still look forward but this part of me
will forever stay with me.
WHY? why must i be lazy, or unwilling.. i forsaw what i would have gotten or not gotton
but i didn't change it.. along the way my resolve faultered and my strength diminished taking me into the hell hole of crap.
Maybe its time to put this to rest. once and for all, i shall let it all out. Friends/family/sports/dreams/goals and aspirations all lost to the challange of myself.
just awhile ago i was doing this online iq test.. and it rated me "highly intelligent" .. i was telling eric it must be spoiled or smth
now i realised why can't i be highly intelligent.. isit that hard to believe?
everyone wants to achieve something
but i know im destined for something beyond this mundane life
i do try to look ahead but my life is still full on insecurities that i cannot handle.
fears and problems i cannot solve alone.
i m trying to seek closure on these issues.. man all this anger,sadness,regret all mixed togehter.. why do i torture myself?
maybe ill find myself a outlet... shout to the oceans my problems..
hit something till i realised my hand will is feeling the reality of it
no i will not go sucidal or stuff? who would care anyway.. i mean i hardly made a deep impression on anyone.
it doesn't matter
and just to add on.. qwek if u may or may not read this.. it doesnt matter.
i really feel im not part of the group.maybe ive haven't been in it for as long as everyone else or smth
i mean not to badmouth anybody..its seem u guys are so different from me..i hardly have mutal intrest or anything.. sure u guys are good,inside or out. i lose my temper pretty easily.. maybe im just dun fit in well.
its been very depressing mood for me these few days, i hardly able to relax these days
i will go into detail soon.
reality bites
and i need true friends
reliable,trustworthy people.
people who truely care about me
people who i truely will care about.
i feel so max-like now
why?
peace-out
try not to comment to much on the tagboard for those few poeple who still reads it
Blogged @ 2/16/2006 01:16:00 AM
