Lost Faith

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2010-08-09T23:48:00.001+08:00

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Post no #200

2010-02-20T12:51:00.002+08:00

hmmmm...

Lets get going.

2009-09-08T16:12:00.001+08:00

After ages of not blogging, I guess this post will somehow suffice in summarizing this crazy long gap. Lets start with the latest thing, which happened like 12 hours ago. I actually met with ZY, for supper, nearby we north&east-ern-ers. Just wanted to do some catching up before the crazy National Service. Unfortunately, I'm GOING TO PTP, which is kinda stupid because i decidedly "not to take" napfa. With this in mind, a PES A/B-er would definately go through morning , day and night physical training...oh wow. Make no mistake though, I have ensured that i will not be the pig being drag through the mud at the end of the day. I guess, with so many generations of defaulting and escape, there is simply no chance to evade this as a common man. I have sort the neccessary advise and preparation to mitigate suffering inside. I can't complain much though,certainly, I have foreseen this comming and ensured the past few months was a dream. Travelling through so many places and seeing the world was just blissful. I guess i would just spend the remaining days, seemingly in peace, before entering. Bring on the hell =)

wohoo.

2009-03-21T10:53:00.002+08:00

Just got the letter, graduated, DWM, honour-roll, gold-medalist, capitaland scholar
nomination for all rounder award.

Hope to go into SMU!

Looking FOR WORK.

Garena FTW L4D

LGLGLGLGLGLGL!!!

ROAR.

2008-10-19T14:56:00.004+08:00

The weather is rainy! and when it RAINS IT POURS
Im feeling lazy, tired
and im sick..

BUT I SAY NO.
I WILL NOT BREAK the routine
Today i will run, just like every other sunday before this one
I will run like those tribal african's running from lions.

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE IN

Crave the Goal

Plan for Success

Achieve Greatness

=]

2008-10-12T17:55:00.004+08:00

This is just a shoutout!

Thanks everyone man, this year's is something special

Especially the "porn" shotglasses and the speed inexcess of 150/160Km per hour =)

All the well wishers

For a better year ahead! I promise you

Besley

The Enabler & the Enabled

2008-09-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

One way of looking at people is through the enable method. Basically you are either the enabler or the enabled or both. Basically, when someone is enabled, you get the ability or the creativity to do what you desire. This could mean in terms of ideas or resources. Just like in the show HOUSE, Gregory was enabled by his interns. The show is basically about this renowned doctor who can solve almost any problems, but he had to bounce ideas off interns to find out the problem! Well, we call it brainstorming sessions =P, most of us probably done it in some form. The enabler is basically in this case, the interns. But the enabler can be an object or place too! Strangely, i get enabled in my toilet, which basically i guess somehow in a nice hot bath gives me ideas on things.

These days the friendship concept is something that's been on my mind a lot; i think i did mention it in the previous posts. What i meant by the friendship concept is basically the idea of platonic relationships. Ideally, the world is about you scratch my back and vice-versa. But we all know that this usually doesn't happen. The cruel world tells us that friendships are just about convenience. When a certain place, time or activity doesn't fit the routine anymore, out the window you go. But of course, there are exceptions. The thing is i feel like a safety net these days, and i guess we all are in some sense. If you ever got the feeling of being used because this person has nothing better to do or wants something and thus look for you, only to find out that when he/she has something else now and neglects. Well that's what I'm saying. I suppose when it comes to anything , caveat emptor, or buyers BEWARE. once you invested your feelings/money/resources it something, its yours! be it broken or so

I guess life isn't that bad; Everything is on track. My master plans in school grades, active lifestyle, computer stuff, friends are all along the way. In my plans, they are going to converge soon, and well there are missing pieces that i will fill along the way. Speaking of plans, i got lots of books to do some knowledge upgrades. If you don't already know me well enough, i love books. Books are entirety of human evolution and a plethora of knowledge. I mean you cannot take it word for word but they do to a certain extend educate you on a subject matter. Some people might not know but basically books are a collection of paper and was invented by the Egyptians called papyrus. Arguably, the most important invention in the world! Before paper, the only way to store knowledge if with the brain, and although almighty and powerful that is; memory is a failure, and knowledge such as landscapes, blueprints and other important information was vaguely transferred at best. With paper, everyone can easily access the most crucial of knowledge at will.

Anyway, i was reading about the game by neil strauss , one of the most popular books in the united states and well probably Singapore as well. What is interesting is that they break down the way people behave into very primitive thoughts. Its about pickup artists and how they adopt methods into hooking up with people. The interesting thing about it was it is so damn popular. I really did wonder if it really happened or was it a gimmick. I have heard of some people using the methods successfully, but i guess certain of the things stated were commonsense, just like business studies. The thing is people rarely go beyond their routine styles unless explicitly directed to do so. I really did wonder if those success stories were because the people found there are of a certain character and these methods can only cater to these select groups or is this applicable to all. Is the book a truth or a widespread gimmick? After all so many people read it already. Truth is the biggest winner is the writer of the book. So are you playing the game or is the game playing you.. literally?

Counter-Intuitive

2008-09-03T17:39:00.003+08:00

Counter Intuition! That's the word i was trying to recall the other day. Basically if you see the world in a mathematical perspective, its about CORRELATIONS. Basically whether the independent and the dependant variables are in anyway affecting changes upon each other. Of course since the world is NON-LINEAR(NO CETERIS PARIBUS) we cannot qualify exactly how one factor results in a consequence;ACTION REACTION/CAUSE & EFFECT;CAUSALITY.

Studies have showed that one aspect of why humans are superior to animals is understanding this concept of CORRELATION(COUNTERINTUITION). We are able to link long term rewards from suffering in a short term. This can be inform of working like crazy for the rewarding pay cheque at the end of the month. Or the satisfaction gained from running a race. The idea of immediate gratification vs delayed gratification is basically a subset of self control.

Remember those incidences where tigers eat their long time trainers? well basically i guess in this aspect, they still have a deep seated desire that they are unable to control in totality. Essentially, humans have such a problems too, but we are more superior from generations of control such that we are able to suppress your innate desires (Freudian Theorem)

The thing about counter-intuitive situations is that WE usually cant tell when they are positively or inversely related. Beyond that, sometimes you fail to realise emotions take control. Especially in such a complex and complicated world we live in, factors change. Lets take for example, when panic and fear sets in underwater, struggling to the surface kills you even faster; or in a quicksand pit. Even in ordinary,everyday, conversations. Sometimes when you try to reject something so strongly, you give yourself away.

The people who reject it the loudest, are often the ones that are the most affected.

Rushes!

2008-09-01T12:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was probably something i haven't done in a long time, competition!. I really reminded me of the Safra Coastal race. Although the nature of the competition is somewhat different, the all so familiar adrenaline, the feeling of excitement. I get high on this rush, my teammates probably realised I'm abit nuts JUST before the race. In some deep sense, i miss this feeling, trying all ways and means to win something. I crave the reward but the other aspects of race was just as important. The teamwork; I'm not sure about everyone else, but i do feel closer to everyone and have a deeper understanding of how some people work.

Its a pity we didn't get any prizes because i really thought we did exceptionally well despite a few minor hiccups here and there. I always try to psyche my team before the race, and without fail, i did it again this time!; always implanting higher morale is always crucial to a great race. This year, i guess is one of the last time i can race; being year 3 and all. Looking forward to see if i will take part in standard chartered. 10K

Start Anew

2008-08-31T01:28:00.003+08:00

Ive changed my blogskin! my own one was abit morbid and downright emo-style but i thought having some light-hearted thing for a change would be nice. Also, i guess in some sense it should signify how my life is going to be. Positive thoughts always help anyhow =).

Went back to mshs yesterday, it was rather interesting to meet back with all the teachers and all the fellow classmates. Its been so long, I hardly realised its been 2 years since i saw some of them. Its interesting to hear about what has happened and also to reminiscence about the past. Ive learned through the years that life's too short to bear grudges, all the hate you accumulate isn't worth the anger anyway. At the end of the day , you realised why part on such a bad note? In a sad way, even if some refuse to acknowledge it, friends come and go and most friendships last on a basis of convenience. Mutual activities always lead to bonding and understanding and of course vice-versa. The undoing of relations is often a result of circumstances.

Anyway, had some simple conversations with the teachers with the usual things, age catches up with you. You find people treat you so differently than you were as a student but as a result you get a epiphany about time. You can visualise yourself in the same place many years ago and watch a vivid replay of what happened but as the same time, you see yourself now. I guess it does tell you how far you've come. Your journey so far.

Looking back, retrospectively, its been wonderful. Everyone changed, mostly for the better. Society has its way to force people to conform to the normal culture of what is good and as a byproduct i stand by its "values". Ah, I'm going for smrt race tmr; hope to win =) to bad ill give the human race a miss this time.

Resolution To Redesign your Idiosyncrasies

The handyman.

2008-07-25T00:12:00.002+08:00

oh no, the curse of the handyman is back. Apparently im mr FIXIT again.
SERIOUSLY, i dont get it why SOME people ONLY FIND ME when they NEED ME.
Im BADLY IRRITATED. happened before, happened again. Be is fixing some it stuff, or art or money? Im not the bank, not your personal graphic designer AND DEFINATELY not your it technician. Like you havent talk to me in so many years(depending on WHO!) and now u come knocking on my door, asking for my help. ANd especially for a MORE SELECT FEW who repeats this random PAUSE AND FAmilirity, this routine is becomming More ANNYOYING. Do they have any courtesy to treat me as A HUMAN BEING at all? or AM I A TOOL? im not doing anymore of that crap! period.

The need

2008-07-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

I just deactivated my wOW account. That brings a longterm game plan over, anyhow it was just leeching from my credit card since i havent been touching it for some time now.
There was some stuff i was pondering about since i read some walloftext here and there of some articles.Anyway, i would be talking about NEEDS... NO not that physical need!
So, i been seeing alot of people modeling after famous successful people and learning their stories and stuff. LKY, various ceos, billionaries; donald. But, truely, is there any USE in listening to them? Life is about chance/luck or if more stringently measured, a mathatical probability. A success rate of chance. I'm a believer in probablity, or at least a supporter of it. Historics prove that professional gambling, who has the amazing constant ability to conjure money out of luck bases this on a probablity strategy. History has indicated pure luck or (LOW probability occurances) has no consistent way of having the correct outcome and as such my status quo. So again, what are the chances of following these stories, or even the point of view? Viewing it in my terms, they are just a maths error. A margin error, the erranus 1 or 2% who happens to kiss the foot of lady luck and made it big, which is why their story is features and leds to a bias exposure, rather than soemthing for us to learn. But, if you do look at many of the success stories, they all share some similarities? something for us? perhaps so, but look again; statistics show that out of all these success? how many failed, its just the same as striking the lottery? I guess perhaps by adopting these charecteristics you do increase ur chance marginally? but does it matter?
So this brings me to NEEDS, everyone has a need? most commonly, the need to be special; to be unique, to be something out of the ordinary. This scientificially known as deviance, has many varients, tatoos;piercings;intelligence;money;attitudes;personality;character. Depending on how one's developes these deviance manifest itself in difference areas. One morally right person might condemn another person doesnt seem to follow certain norms but ironically they are all the same? I used to be so judgemental until about a year ago; a little tamer ; a little less judgemental but is that really? I realised that no; i had not changed, i was just holding back. i was still as judgemental as i was. I guess everyone likes the judged but not BE judged; it is a course of human nature. Again, this was probably a motivator for people. Some people cling on the being special, some just clings on to being routines in life; some god ; other sciences.
Essentially, what keeps you going when u get out of bed? its up to u but knowing or at least imaginging knowing how people tick has left me as judgemental but tamer on the outside? because it is exactly that i know how people tick that lets be have a peek at how cruel people are.Because for me, when i made the realisation that no matter how make realisations you make now, there will be more to come; and with each, i get more apathatic to the world.

Terrific conclusion

2008-07-14T10:59:00.000+08:00

"Do you look down on people?"
that was a question post to me yesterday, and i thought about it
This is with regards to DMC, of course. And i asked the person do you think i look down on people? Well fortunately that was a NO. I guess some people misinterpret the rambling on my blog. Lets make this clear, as with many other people's blog, this blog is exclusively for me, if you dont like it? leave. Please dont misinterpret the information within it. I have even taken the extra effort to take out the tagboards and other links. Im not stopping you from reading it, but essentially, its a future reference for myself. Basically, i talk about what i achieved , what ive gotton and what i felt at this point in time. Somehow this got warped into arrogance? apparently this dmc shit doesnt stop. i have already left, whats with the hating? oh so and so is short? so and so is a loser? oh im loving it! i hope when you fall, no one is there to catch you.. i certainly won't

An interesting journey.

2008-07-03T23:15:00.002+08:00

It came as a sudden realisation what my life is these days. Everywhere i go, i see people's life falls nicely into place as if god had a hand in it. Everywhere i go, i see romance in the air, all things related to it. Today's journey to and fro from home to school was no different. I realised that this was happening so quickly, even with my closest of friends. It just feels empty these days, just empty. Perhaps it is envy, or jealousy or a strange new feeling, i dunnoe. Life feels so empty without someone to share it with i guess, probably socialised by the bigger society into thinkng this way, but i guess it doest really matter. I guess the sense of incompleteness is starting to weigh in as i grow so much older. Seeing this heartbroken girl crying on my way home, was provoke some thought and yet i guess love is a gamble. I only fear that it is the obsession of the idea of love has taken over rather than one that is true. But is there any true love? Physical Attraction, Security , Personality is essentially what i guess makes up attraction, so how does one know if its really,truely perfect? I suppose love is just that elusive. For me, i might not be a model, or cash strapped to drive a porsche or have the best personality to wow you. I only have what i am today. I wont claim to have a sad life, or a perfect life and been through what the average man didnt. I guess everyone has their own life story to tell, but what you see if wat you get. Call me traditional, but i prefer to meet people through CCA,SCHOOL or just activities i do together, i suppose it helps me understand that person better. Today has, i guess, been another day i thought about such things again... i swear, i want to take the initiative, because nothing charms the socks off any girl than someone taking the first step. But... there isnt much of a choice! not that im picky or anything, it just doesnt feel right? does it ever? i just hope whoever or whatever has a plan for me please show it to me soon

open up your plans and damn you're free

2008-06-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

Today, fun day with poly peeps. shaun jioing some girl which that stupid sneaky baztard who always poke fun of me. LOL now ur in trouble =D BGR headaches lawl. Anyhow, some updates. Usual dhl ceremony, this time attached with top scorer for sm, which got me a book prize from retail academy of singapore... wonder whats inside hmm gotto collect it when holidays reopen. Kinda spontatnous that day, made friends with the other DHLers, im surprised most of them quite pretty LAWL. smart girls heh; we kinda xchange contacts with maysee, xinchyr and joeel, but cant figure out the freaking freinds/facebook combinations for them.. i NEED EXPERTHELP man.

REgarding my long-term prediction on DMC, well from what i hear, they are drastically reducing these days, which is of course none of my business. Its kinda a pity, ever since i realised their new direction some months back, i never clicked with them again. I guess what happen was essentially a difference of opinion/personality. One that i dont exactly regret much, i mean it wasnt the same as before, and well theres where we seperate way. The ideal situation would be everyone compromises and we all live happily ever, but unfortonately, life can be stinky, and thats all; no offence intended. So it gets smaller, too bad. Cant say i didnt see it happening, i already pointed it out so obviously.

Well my next prediction is based on certain recent trends. It appears that while i was enjoying my less emotional-rollarcoasterish life in poly, things have been happening. Things happened to bob, things happened to nesh and ming. So, well im not sure what happened but habits are changing and routines are changing. When routines change, it means something drastic happened, and all facts point to it. The storms over now , and i regret not being there. But well, things change, and i communicate lesser and lesser; now my next prediction is the degradation of links with everyone, and i mean everyone in the remaining DMC. less talk, less interaction, very soon things will overturn and we start as strangers again. Very soon, everything will be forgotten, unless somehow the situation turns around. Which is not say impossible

For school, i got cca merit award , but im not sure about the scholarship yet, still awaiting results. Ironically, im quitting my preplanned role of president of adventure club this year and taking on my golden years with true relaxation. Logically of course, i dont have time after that, NS, uni, work, so this is the most opportune moment. Additionally, i got other interest; currencies; guitars; friends. i told my excomm member, think with my head i wont join ,and with my heart the opposite. Luckily i usually think with my head; So there goes. Now full steam ahead with my plans. The markets thought me alot about money management. Truely sometimes its not about increasing inflow but reducing outflow and your money will grow exponentially with the laws of basic strategy on your side. Basic strategy is playing texas holdem poker that relies on the mechanics of probability that skews the winning in your favour. So a large enough sample size would ensure almost certain victory. Similiar to that of The monty halls issue in the movie 21.

As i am now, im enjoying life. Its ez, Its uncomplicated, Its simple.
I persue my interests, hell im even starting a mini shrimp tank in my room.
With all the comming of light storms in the background of my life, doesnt seem to be too serious.
Much to my dismay of the recent predictions realisations, life has been comfortable. Perhaps my decision to split was indeed the right choice. =)
LG.

Emo Kid

2008-04-11T21:51:00.004+08:00

Today was such a BAD day, woke up, thinking about stuff that really affected me. Actually , come to think about it, its quite nonsensical. But the day really was quite a drag, i was really unhappy and possibly angry. I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular but rather, just thought about some damn emo stuff. Still thank god, i had this particular friend, who chatting with me the whole day on msn and phone, really brought me some perspective. Quite surprised that person is actually pretty down to earth and perhaps helped me find out why certain things are so.

With this, i realised that you really have to grab things if you want it. Sitting around at home isnt helping. Time-lines do help somewhat, giving some urgency to do stuff. I also realised that i just have one more weakness in which i have to correct, i need to correct. Perhaps thats why ive been holding back all my life. Perhaps thats why i was never confident of myself. Now thats all about to change.Truely, i must thank that person =) today would be such a crappy day to pass without you. Hmm strangely, my other friend, who i thought would be very comforting, didnt quite giveme that effect. something to ponder about. Guess i shouldnt be feeling insecure about these small issues. Ive got a long, great day tmr.

Life's Unfair.

2008-04-10T00:44:00.002+08:00

Or are you whining incessantly? The latter are is probably untrue. I remember asking this before, Have you ever met someone seemingly so perfect? Good looks , money , the smarts , the girls? Yeah didnt we all experience that some time in our lives. That lucky baztard? What i think , is that life is indeed unfair. Its true! Dont hide from that fact. Some lucky baztards got the killer looks, some have so much money ull kill for it. Remember your dream of a big house? or perhaps that yatch or that slick lamborghini? LIFE IS UNFAIR, but that shouldnt stop you from living your dreams or to try persuing them. Lazing around isnt helping. Period. I remember reading about people going to places, doing things with their lifes. It could be simple things such as prawning, fishing or just playing paintball ? Perhaps iceskating? but have you tried it? If you havent, you really should!
Being where i am now , i see no short of life being good to my friends, some of them rich; others having the good-looks bug, but if you seen enough of life, youll know that sometimes its not what comes inherantly, but your style, your technique , how you do something. Lets take looks, sometimes your like a vase. Too pretty, and you are left on the shelf. But how you place the vase(yourself) can sometimes be better than the pretty vase that attracts the oh so much attention.

So far, my lifes been a dull. Besides people dragging me out to have fun! yeah DRAGGING ME OUT. I just like my home too much! or i just have laziness in my bones. Iceskating was fun, though painful on the ankles, maybe im skating wrongly ? Think ive renewed ties with my best friend again ? Doing stuff together really bonds people i guess?

Thats all for today! If you see me, show me some love~~!!

A Realisation

2008-04-02T22:53:00.002+08:00

I finally realised something.
Ever since ive been to clubs and parties and sorts, ive always wondered why im not the kinda person whos been super enthu about hooking someone from there. Well, i guess the ideal vision for me is unfortunately, a long-term relationship. As much as i would like to deny this, and contiune in my fantasy of THE GAME, sadly thats the god honest truth. To me, parties is now about having a good time, if things go furthur, well i can go along with it. But i guess im still the traditional sort of person. Ha! the good ol' singaporean

Despite saying that, i got another realisation to write about. For this, i shall just go straight into in. The world is a effin' cruel illusion. Shakespear couldnt have put it better, the world is a stage and the men and woman are merely just players. The poet was unfortunately depicting the cold irony that the world then was not much different from the world now. Everyday people put on fronts, they put on fascades to show their different worlds different images. During work, we like to show we are dilligent. during play, we like to show we are fun. To impress people, there are many shows, being witty, mysterious, intelligent, adventureous. Some people loves this play, and some people do not. This is movie of society in itself, the very fabric of structure.
To reject this place, would be translated to into people who reject the ideas of a facade... being yourself? so how far can being yourself bring you in the world? unless being urself means being hardworking, or the ideal charecteristics of your "world"/environment, it probably wouldnt be very far at all.
This leads to society's defence against these rejectionist; isolation. To bridge this gap being the compliant and the non-conformist, people compromise. When people do not like to do something, and people who well, be themself... people compromise and if you dont. you are REJECTED. isolation-socially.
This stage cannot be defeated, it cannot be totally comprehend- , but like they say since you cant win, embrace it. but we have been doing that all those years. pretending, acting, playing ? we are all masters of it, but the best will always take the top seat. Saka, Bsing , Wriggling your way out, essential skills of the future, today =)
now thats something schools dont teach in modules

The power of an Idea.

2008-03-25T22:54:00.002+08:00

I had an interesting insight while reading other people's blog today.
It involved alot of having some level of esteem, projected confidence
visualisation of goals. Well the proponent statement suggest that
high levels of these can translate and have a large
correlation to the end-goal. Its strange how, i am somewhat unconviced.
Perhaps, lets go into my head and think about it. Ironically, i am a product
of such motivation preachers, power of the mind, mental capabilities..?
ive been through camps after camps, many brilliant motivators, books, articles
and yet i still have not figured it all out yet.
It would seems, objectively, that this, mental power do have real world effects.
By imagining youself as something beyond normal , or visualising success, evidently
your mind is of great influence. A scientist once did an experiment, on patients.
Both were suffering from pains, one was a control group and the other given some soda water.
Apparently those who thought their pain was some what lesser, had managed the pain better.
From this, one can objectively conclude that perhaps your mind has power over yourself.
I view is as a state of mind in sports, you know the tired fatigued body, the discourgaing giving-up feelings, and yet the power of self motivation can pull you through. IMagine this, taken to the extremes, would have obviously great potential in many aspects.
However, having said that, blind faith, as i would put it , would be foolish. Reality Strikes, and it strikes hard. In markets, people who refused to be emotionless, who somehow trust their gut instints, who believe in their decisions furiously, get burnt over and over again. In Gambling, the Gambler's Fallcy; shows people having false illusions of probability through illusion of control and cluttering illusions. Imagine people believing that how hard you hit the dice can decide what number it rolls on.
Bring it futhur, perhaps what your mental powers can do is limited to yourself and not your external enviroment,after all we still cannot fly even though the years of mankind's fantasy and obsession with flying. No i dun mean with the aeroplane.
So much has since i entered polytechnic, friends come and go , relations get strained. Before i even knew, the decisions i made earlier on, has borned fruits right before me. I do acknowledge the powers of the mind; placebo effect if you will. But wisedom is in using your intelligence for a purpose, and as such im well aware of the limitations of such things. =)
Just Food For Thought.
Till i Get back Again!

Self-Direction.

2008-02-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

The mad rush is ending! Valentine's Day is COMMING!
The end of my office is comming, im so looking forward to it!,
March 31, the day of freedom!. Cannot imagine what freedom feels like anymore
But its okay, i just have a few more hurdles, exams being one of them.
thats not as important though, 14 FEB IS MORE IMPORTANT.
well yeah, theres a few day left, and most likely im not getting a date on that day.
I actually contemplated a few choices the other day, but apparently to no AVAIL.
and trust me I TRIED. and people were pressurizing me since like 2 weeks ago,
im seriously helpless to act la.... THERE IS NO OPPORTUNITY!
oh well, i guess ill try harder next time ! im sure there is more occasions to try!

The predicament

2007-12-30T20:25:00.000+08:00

heh, escaped another day of school work =))))
well, not sure how, now sure why suddenly been thinking about stuff again.
Its kinda funny but i had the mood to go shopping! Anyway just got back from TAKA after buying most of their presents. This would be for JANUARY peeps...but it linked back to my own birthday. WHICH i wasnt too happy about, you see, most of the people who help be celebrate my birthday was classmate, CDS-mates or other CCA people AC people also wanted to celebrate for me!. But it was abit dissapointing for me, when most of those i suppose to be my close friends HARDLY put in effort to REMEMBER MY last birthday. So, im quite tempted to forget about it, im still pondering. Hmmm especially so for them. I still havent got one present though... i got a softtoy thing for jarrett and his car, some funny metal puzzle for bobs and a voodoo doll for my classmate. Last one i was intending to get polo ralph explorer for ming but then again now im thinking twice. lol i think hes gonna be attached to someone quite soon so probably not hmm
, seems like a fruitless effort anyway

perception

2007-12-28T02:05:00.000+08:00

Change is such a strange thing, and changing people are strang-er. Its funny how i thought i had change all along, yet personality is so enduring. Its like bad habits, when it boils down to it, you revert to the basics again. The ugly old self. Im always afraid to step back into the past... i might become the thing i hate but then comes being yourself.

Its so contridictive, so overlappy. Its like all those other oxymorons, hard to decide.. hard to choose. These days, im picking alot of mixed signals from alot of different people. I am having a hard time though. Sometimes things are all good, some times its bad, i cant expect too much though. Even with some things are was fretting over recently. Ive made to effort to initiate, ive tried to be less evasive, I have tried. I tried to fix everythings thats wrong, and yet sometimes, it doesnt work.

Having said so, no one can blame me, God cant blame me for i HAVE did my best. ive looked pass the past and forged ahead, if the weather of a journey decides to take a turn for the worst, its beyond me. Though, the week havent been all that fun, its not to say none-existant =). Did have some here and there, trying to see the silver lining in every cloud X.

Oh if you havent noticed, i change the blog a bit... no more tagboards, it was abit unused anyway. And i decided the blog was more for a reflective and reference in future, instead of a public domain, although it can act like so. Changed the theme to something abit more emo, the current feeling i have these days.

Craft to Confront

2007-12-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

Its the holiday's AGAIN! quite a eventful days that have gone by.
You know exams being over and all, rofl so bloody happy.
so been back on WOW again, but it felt so strange,
a familiar yet cold place. of course i saw the past there and memories do resurface again.
its strange how it is here that i realise how having too much free time can really
craze up my mental health and stuff. Well, its been awkward being back to the
old "DMC" clan , which i found out got disbanned after there was a suppsoed "curse"
of balchelorship. i found it funny though. The outing was more intellectual than anything else
and somehow coincidentally we didnt meet up. Somehow i always known i suppress things and avoid things instead of confronting the problem, probably a flaw of mine all should know.
Even in wow, felt abit awkward and all. Retrospectively , i think i overreacted ALOT.
but hey i had nothing to do but scutinize things all day long. i was looking for a way to mend ties but yet i lack the strength and ability to do so. Ive been gaining what have been happening to "THE PIMP" gang and their promiscuous activities... u know clubbing and all, and saw how the many social groups differ so much. There are those who are so much mentally older, experience so much more of life's journey. The bona fide DEfacto been there done that, and there are those who are protected in the sphere of what we call morals and education. Fortunately for me, ive seen both sides and i do know whats going on at my age, however normal or adnormal it is.

Somewhere, along talking about all these chim discussion with THE PIMPs, i have found myself lacking in wisdom in so many things now. How some people are have grown so much mentally, i personally believe my perception significantly differs froms theirs. Going into that night, i did alot of reflection, on who i was and who i am. I found that ive been always waiting, always staying on the grey line. A line between who i want to be and the morally right me. Ive always been holding back, and now im finding a way out.
Being the same these days, doesnt cut it any more. its true that social influences us so much, but isnt that the way it should be? youth that doesnt appear to be cool, fun or different just isnt a youth anymore. Even for me, smoking used to be a 100% no, now its a maybe. smoking is cool, some deny it, some dont... but the fact is the fact, it makes u look cool, so who doesnt want that?
honestly, i was looking to try it, after all you only live once.Christmas is comming anyway, a time for joy =) and for me the best present is for me is to forgive myself for everything thats gone wrong. That is my christmas resolution for this year

Cheers.

The frog in the well

2007-11-04T18:47:00.000+08:00

These days ive been reflecting on my life and i realised im like the frog in the well...
TP has been that well and i was ignorant of the world outside that place, so many things have changed since then.
That day, when i left my friend's "open-house", i went to meet up with old friends and it really left me wondering about many things. For one, one of my close friends got attached and it wasnt too long ago we were joking around about it. I sense that he had changed and yet im no longer sure what it was. My other friend, who always seemed to be a hardcore party clubber.. the usual
characteristics of a party person, u know drink and smoke ALOT kinda thing... and turns out HE QUIT.
So well, when going around, talking about the usual topics.. suddenly i heard studying was dumb and i got smarter and fuck school? wow. from someone who usually chose the most logical way to this!. It got me thinking. Was studying indeed a waste of timE? or what? but perhaps that was not it! ive learned alot since ive been studying at TP, from law, psycho, socio , management.. everything dealing with people and yet it bewilders me personality was probably easier to change than thought by many people. It was probably due to this phase where people have to go through and influenzes caused them to make decisions, decisions that affect everything in their lives.

I uncovered that ive tried to avoid thinking about many things, and perhaps ive to face them somehow. So many things ive regretted and would give so much just to change it. from lost friends to moments of folly that led to so many different kinds of problems. These are probably too late to correct it now, something i should have done a long time ago. Maybe pride is holding me back and the lapse of time had made me shy away from it all, but deep down i know that it was my mistake, a mistake one too many.

Now, ill just concentrate on getting by and maybe just maybe.. ill muster the courage & determination to contiune to improve, progress and change. The world is changing , with or without you.. dont lack behind!

Perturbed!

2007-10-27T17:22:00.000+08:00

Usual case, no time...blog....absence..back..

Feels like alot of things to say after being missing for so LONG! Lets start with the most important thing! BIRTHDAY! well it was both happy & sad at the same time. Well 18th birthday always seems important i guess, @ this age, u start to feel alittle old and the urgency to do something with ur life seems abit more.. well urgent!. I always though it was gonna be a special birthday and it did! Fell sick on that day, stuck @ home, it was quite sad and yet, surprise, surprise Many people visit me and all the nice messages! however some disappointment, u know some other pals, lets just say somewhat makes me sad. so much effort, so much time and no RECIPROCATION. of course, i can't expect returns when u give , just like u dun expect charity to give back when u donate. But it was nice , to remember ur lil significance to the world.

AC has been abit on the sidelines for me these few days, and yet i regret not going into some of these activities. some of which are oh so important, but no more SICKNESS and i guess im back on track, clearing finance.. doing all the paperwork and stuff. Laser Challenge memo seems to be a very significant one, conceptually. It seems that AC's downward trend from the past might change! and we are the turning point. yup NYAA's 9 day trip to malaysia was very FUN!, but i feel myself being pressured into paperwork again, sigh.

The new acad year has started, more pressure , more stress.. but im okay thinking about SIP and all the various shit i have to plunge into just to get that glorified piece of paper. Just abit more and perhaps i can be proud of that crap paper that is so treasured.

I always tend to think that i can see through people, and i always know who is good and bad but yet, i always fall into this trap of knowing and yet contiuning... perhaps it is not in my place to judge others when i fail to correct my own mistakes.

The Flaw In My Plan

2007-07-31T00:29:00.000+08:00

well , as usual im bak blogger after months of collecting webs, so many things happened after this semester started. I can remember vividly how i was so alone, so isolated in the beginning. However i sense the good in them , and i contiuned , knowing there was to be some akwardness. This was AC, as i knew it then, just after i got active during the Amazing Race.
Through the months, we bonded... got closer , i started understanding what was happening... we organised Rockamania, we did many things! and hey i even got into main comm , by fluke or skill? but it didnt matter. Studies-wise took a hit definately, not too sure about results-wise.AC wasnt many things but one thing it was is time-consuming. I found myself dedicating myself to AC but i never regretted for a moment, it was an experience, a pleasure. Somehow, in the midst of it all , i have like a trillion things to do... reports,presentations my memos,projects , courses and it was least to say stressful. I have yet to master time-management but i got by. Well Today, somehow got psychoed to join SAFRA race and got in. The selection proccess was unusually tough, maybe cuz i wasnt mentally prepared or smth. Again, somehow weicheng & i got selected, half my mind hoping that would never happened... but it did anyway. However, weicheng asked me something on the track just now , which was very self-revealing. He pointed out many weaknesses i had, and i was well-aware of them. Why didnt i dare to do things, why did i fear competition? At the back of my mind, i always wanted to achieve something, and yet it struck me that this happened before. DejaVu? well in some sense, in the past, i had the same problem... and yet this has is back to haunt me. The good news is however, ive improved and it would be interesting how my character can still change for the better. I do understand that this race will take alot from me, and i will learn alot more. Being in Ac has changed my life, be it mentally, physically or spiritually... its seemingly ordinary activties is actually all-pervasive and affects every part of your life. You either sink or swim.

My Portfolio!

2007-05-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

Failed attempt #2 on the foreign exchange market!
but thats not gonna hold me! im preparing for attempt #3!
well for those who already know, im still experiementing with the forex thing(not just say n forget)
in hopes of making quick bucks and stuff! but, as cliche as its sounds...
theres no free meal! and so aptly displays my failed attempts! the problem with is that
its very volatile and all the sma ema and mometum graphs are only to some limited extend accurate, and a proper approach must be developed based on probability in order to really
make money!

back in life, blogging has been the least of my piorities, although i can see how some of my cca-mates blog in their free time @ the school lib. but i only blog when i have absolutely nothing to do or have the sudden passion(like now). somehow i feel life is like a stockmarket and sometimes i can feel the highs and lows of it. This particular year has been so extremely volatile but after shorting and longing(+ and - s'), i think ive reached the high point of the cyclical loop.

i mean, unexpectedly landed into the director's honours list, which really was a pleasent surprise, since year 1 was really crappy and i didnt think i would get it! still, i think i got lucky and the following year would not be so great in addition to my already diminishing willpower and team cumulative brainpower!

additionally, im really growing into my cca! this time i think i got the tone right, like FINALLY. initially , i joined out of interest and with a rowdy bunch of schoolmates from my alma mater and perhaps they were holding me back. I always sticked to that group and really got restricted in terms of exposure and bonding. After they left, my interest led me to stayback in my cca, but the damage was done, i was seriously left out and didnt have the passion of attending. Although that could explain why i always "pon" cca, i admit it was still partially my fault since ever since i got into poly, i always felt held back. By what? i dont know. Just some sort of feeling that you know you are meant for more and yet i dont step forward!
Fortunately for me, a friend of my friend was in the same cca and i maintained relatively good relations which has managed to drag the gap between me and everyone else closer!

Despite the good stuff, there is also always, the negative parts. In the current year, i have also indirectly and unintentionally seen how people are inherantly selfish. We are living in a world where the "evil" people are just brutally honest and most of the rest are just having a pretentious "goodness" just for show, leaving only a small portion of truely geniune good people.
These days, i no longer cheat myself that just based on faith and kindness will begets anything, it truely doesnt pay anymore. my eyes will no longer be covered by these wools of deception! If i happen to meet a few good people, and discover its true, ill embrace them, but right now , ill just learn to rely on the thing that gives rises to everything else, myself!

The problem with choice.

2007-03-27T21:55:00.000+08:00

I havent been blogging for awhile, not that im bz , BUT JUST LAZY
hmm maybe i shouldnt make it too big... okay nevermind.
if you wanna know, bagged some A & Bs for my exam again, but if you dont care
i just saying to make myself happy :>

been around here , around there, hoping for a more sporty holiday... just to end up playing wow... of course once again im nagging myself to go BUT NUUuuu the flesh is weak. what can i say LOL.

hmmm... well the problem with choice is quite rampant these days and people have different ways of tackling this. For example, one maybe forced to choose a "best friend" between 2 good friend(s) or maybe just to favour one over another in a certain issue, not relating to the seriousness or severity. One less common way is by speaking the politically correct words, avoiding the issue entirely and not budging even if you are forced to... for a moment of weakness will lead to a sad, sad incident of biasness. People like me , of course HATE...irritated by this. Its very annoying when you cannot keep avoiding the goddamn issue.

Anyway, recently got abit frustrated + 10 < hate about this particular erm... group? congregation of people. w.h.y? i got pangsehed/betrayed/left behind/ left out / abandoned...which ever suits u best(wordcline). In all non-baised stance i can be in, i think thats just crap, especially if those individual have a track record of being self-fish and inconsiderate. Disappointing? Definately! unexpected? Of course not!. Im still nursing a grudge and im not sure how to settle this at the moment. We shall wait and see!

seems to be drafting away from everybody these days, even the closest people to me. It is my assumption that people sharing similar characteristics,experiences,traits,intelligence including looks,values...ect are often found to be friends. Perhaps it is precisely the reason why they come together. Perhaps when these exact factors change, the proximity between friends changes to. What happens when such things happen? Do you move on and find new ones? or stay and mend old ties?

Thats all today, plagued with complications or ... life experiences if some of you already been passed them. Hope i didnt bore you with the long story :>>

Borat SEXY TIME!

2007-01-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

someone said i hasn't blogged in awhile, and yup i agree with that.DUH!
well it happens to be MING's birthday today, and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINGYI!!>!L!{@L!R@

his birthday bigbIG party with lotsa food and prezzies and greens.
lol sometimes i wish to have a birthday on that scale but ends up with
only a few small scale ones. It was fun seeing familiar people again and
it was quite funny, people i could have been friends with... and surprise surprise,
some people still remember my strengths after so long... well i wanted to reply but i honestly dont know what to say.. i mean these days my "Hobby" is played down and im deciding to quit the scene. what can i say, real life people are more fulfilling than just automated stuff.

anyway projects work and everything else pilling and gotto rush THAT,tutorials and HAIRCUTS tmr so its kinda jampacked for a sunday. but i gotto do it.its funny how some people dont change though, so there was one i was going out with a certain someone and certain someone else and everything we go around and shop, they ask me carry things and its just abit too much now... making me carry things all day.. as if i am 100% wont shop kinad person.sometimes i wish to shop to but that immediate...CAN U HELP ME CARRY thing is just abit annoying, a phrase i adapated from someone said I have enough things to do to be able to avoid tolerating such nonsense, and maybe this is true.

Sometimes when u feel that perhaps life is stressful and horrible and maybe small things like using whose ezlink card seem like a big issue, you must also try to empathize others, for you are not the only one with problems. One can seems carefree and have more problems.. this is the appearance i choose. well for next time, it would seem MR-nice guy is no more. now that i find what a cell-group member said(this guy seems to be the easy to bully type issit?) there demands a change.

ending off, i would like to quote myself in the past.
Im only interested in people interested in me , this applies in all sense and everyone but perhaps requited care and concern is the 2nd step in progressing.
sometimes a simple IM or question will make my day,
taking the initiative just seems unappealing anymore.

Satisfy ME!

2006-12-05T17:18:00.000+08:00

the week has been a mix of emotions, with the impending threat of mid-semester exams,i have a much doubt in myself as usual... just like everything else besley does.Hopefully i can remake my tyconess from last sem again. We had a very silly class gathering, the trouble makers didn't come, so i couldn't make fun of them, but it was expected... those cowards! the noise-making mr CY is probably the only one that hasn't changed much.. the rest, more or less have some significant transformation. Before u know it cy was shooting everyone that was around,some motivation to come eh, but it did hit a nerve when he targetted me and i was surprised i reacted so strongly. He did make some sense though, its been a vunerablility of mine ever since i made that choice. It was a moment of folly that made me commit such a moronic mistake. I still found myself getting along with most of them and past memories did come back, my only regret is that i was never as united with them as i wanted , its complicated last time anyway , i didn't have what i have now.A change in mindset got me thinking,hopefully im not too late. Ruz is going europe and everyone else gonna start holidays soon, quite left behind arent i, nothing i can do i guess, just hope exams will get the results i have so long desired...before long this will be another part of my past

"The best choices are never the easy ones"

Pressure!

2006-11-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

project project assignment tutorials! OMG finally poly stress starting to creep in insidiously! as a leader,student,myself i should set an EXAMPLE but what can i do,my will is strong but the flesh weak. actually i dun see the logic in the phrase but nvm!. every one in the world having so much problems, the world almost seems to be destablising like the stock and foreign exchange markets. in flux for every second, every moment can be a huge gain or loss! yet someone claims to have formulated a winning method! life beens such a hazzle, looking for investment opportunies, expanding my mediocur relationships with ordinary friends and try to push it to something beyond just the hi-bye kinda friends. i feel mingyi has been sorely neglected while im having so many self-orientated agendas and school work, at least that day's prata was nice though. i think ruzz is finally understanding what im tryin to do although he seems perpetually bz with things and hes attention seems to be divided and diverted easily. simple game takes him away from chat for like 10mins, so much for undivided attention for friends! of course ideally u can't get there though there much room for improvement. So far no one else has met my lil criteria, feels like selecting a presidential candidate , integrity..character moral bullshit. poly friends are still abit "young" to be considered but they seem very nice besides some blahblha people

My thoughts in bluE

2006-11-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a reminder of the happy memories in the past...
kinda erratic of rui to anyhow throw a party without any special occation but it didn't go unappreciated, at least not by me. Its been a kinda a time for me to escape the hectic poly life with impending assignements and exam where only grades matter. on that night,after i left the bbq, mingyi who is still my best pal had a nice chat la,i still feel he can empathize me best, and we had a meaningful conversation. i do sense a certain unspeakable bond of similar values and character that binds us together. i feel its important to have expand my close friends soon, and im actively looking out for good people now... ken obviously didn't pass my inspection! hes good with relating and talking but i can't tell where his true loyalty lies even though he attempts to be very biased and makes u feel good about urself,i shouldn't worry about him reading this because if my prediction is right, he wouldnt ANYWAY. rui seems to be a good candidate, i did try once but he wasn't ready, some personality mismatch but till recently, it just might be possible

on a less serious issue! another of lkys achievement.. predicting a 20year mrt map tada!, this is what it may look like in about another 20 years. lol not sure if out present leaders can predict 20 years ahead from now...

You dog!

2006-11-12T17:41:00.000+08:00

well it was a funny day, the lil group went out again!,after what seems to be months
but little did i know,i would be offended a little during that day.It started as a rainy day,what typical singaporeans would describe as torrential but is infact a small thunderstorm.A plans were dragged and delay a little but everyone was relatively happy.Minge couldn't go cuz we sorta couldn't contact him and if i knew him well, he would be doing some socialising as well.

there we went,meeting up and going,having a nice "pool" day, until a small issue came up playing a slightly competitive game. At first it was a small issue,i was brushing it off but silly me tried to use it as leverage,unknowingly exposing a side of someone i nv did wanna see.Ruzzy was also quite upset that day although hes one of those type u can never tell is sad or not sad.lol found out later some reasons and such...relationships pftt how perplexing.

So contiuning with the malicious character, while taking our businesses to the loo,i was psychoing him to stand against bobs repeatedly...everything fine so far and he agreed uncountable times , but almost immediately after meeting "master" bobs , he turned against me...hestitating abit at first but under the provocation of the "master" some small insults were thrown.

The thing is, its not about the issue of the entire matter, but not keeping your word,having a 2 face appearance..one for me and one for them. The group being strangely problematic and complicated follows no logical hiearchy and somehow the positive relations turns sour in the influence of the peers in the group. Disloyalty is something i can't stand unless in exceptional circumstances,maybe im reading too deeply into something so trivia but i tend to forsee who will make a good friend of mine.Perhaps i have failed to understand the group or the individuals as a whole, i do try my best to be concern and see wads best for everyone..regardless of waiting,advising or sharing my personal feelings. many a times, i help them do various errands without expecting returns and i never regretted that..vlzar did try to console me about this but at the end of the day i questioned him, who is the first one who asked you whats happening when it all goes wrong, and akward silence follows.

the only thing that was nice the other day was ironically the "master" said i looked abit nicer these days.small consolation for everything else thats happening.These days im quite aware who i want as a friend but its been tough, some people are in jcs and pity i only recently got to know them while they were with me in our alma mater and other has grown a lil out of familiarity after the jc/poly division. strangely,the funny jovial person i was is gone and the common conversational topic between those in the "higher" teritary institution no doubt has shrunk. Limited talking points,less presence in their lives...definately makes it harder to express my concerns towards them but through it all,deep inside,i can still see by the glint in their eyes, they are still who they once were.

Okay okay!

2006-10-31T17:59:00.000+08:00

LOL i read something from hongyi's blog that was funny, hmm maybe its funny...i think it is... well you know how darkness is the absence of light and some said courage is the absence of fear... well u know he was writing on his all serious mode, then he suddently say abscence of fear is not courage is brain damage...
well u gotto see in CONTEXT To think its funny, actually its how u said it la,lol
its not about the content.. its the way u put it..

I haven't been blogging much these days,cuz blogger.com giving me some headaches after i moved into the beta system and its REALLY REALLY irritating. those bloggers out there will know that its really hard to get the time and the feeling to blog and when u cannot login or suddenly ur blog that you desperately typed gets wiped, you would really kill someone.

Schools back! and im taking law and its very boring... and this and that HAHA.
rite...ya anyway law lecture got huishan and james so its not too bad and my tutorial class bonded quite fast, im overall happy with homework and stuff except for my thursday law tutorial WHICH apparently has a debate and i have no idea what to do and how to do it.good luck to me then.

Speaking of funny things, ya i know im not funny...someone stole my funny bone like so cold.... its official, I HAVE NO HUMOUR but o well at least you can rely on me for some work-related knowledge =) . ya thats about me, someday ill outlive my usefulness and die but till then im around!.

Just had a nice chat with ming ytd and another ming today, seems the mings are quite deep people, unlike some two-face snake dragon rabbit mutant person that is in my school that thinks no one know about something but actually we all know =), i actually wrote a entry but it cannot be published for some unknown agenda we might potentially have in future.

that about it for now...
thinking of getting a jacket,a watch,a long-sleeved shirt and... something else which i haven't thought of.

The Deed is Done

2006-10-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

WOHOo! evil has been defeated
that lil piece of **** blogger who was trying to be
extremely mean with our marist got flamed till he
removed that post by yours sincerely :)
HA! we are not some bloody pushover,cross the line
and face the consquences!

Its 3 DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAYYYY !!!!!!!!so i spend yesterday
spending $100 on retail therapy! AKA SHopping and it was fun.
usually its boring till u buy something! so since i bought something
it was fun.Then ate swensons blahblah!

Haze on that day was peaked @ 150 so it was kinda bad...i heard malaysia
got it 200..ouch o well who cares SCHOOLS STARTING thats the bad part!
o yeah saw jer ong, yan han and justin while @ town hmm not time no see!

that about sums it up!

Reverse the world!

2006-09-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps!!
After like 300 years,im finally making a blog entry.
Your know,ive been a little busy + a lil lazy
and tada you have a relatively dead blog.
The music thing got taken off for awhile, but just fixed it some days back.
So whats happening in the world?
Politics-wise i think LKY might be trying to initiate a tatical blow in order to help abdullah.I hope im not getting sued for it =P.But thats my opinion anyway.

hmmm i have just been made aware of a game called fable that seemingly appeals to me.so ima get the game and play it!. another way added to the list of "Ways to Rot during the holiday".

Mr ruzzer has made his intentions to go out on friday, but nothing solid has been formed yet.So im awaiting this issue.The rest of the group seems to be schooling and working hard for their new GPA +) . So im not sure how this will go.Speaking of GPA, if u didn't know already...is
C+
B
B+
A
Dist.
GPA:3.4

Its not exactly the best and i kinda missed by 0.1 . In all honesty i was a lil disappointed with my results. As my msn aptly put it: "i am always disappointed because i have high expectations,but one day i will meet them". i am still looking for that day.Its growing close now..The main screwup was in marketing, having B+ for the first 50% of the entire grade means i didn't quite badly for the main exam.IT was expected because i didnt' even have the book and it got quite technical with the terms. Management was slight regret, i did study for that, not sure why its not a B+.Accounts was unexpected, after not knowing anything and studying the last 2 days and getting a distinction?! wow.

O not forgetting my birthday is comming! its the 11/10 if u didnt' see it around here somewhere already.Don't really need prezzies or anything. A simple wish will make my day.Im actually quite fond of surprising people on thier birthday, especially when those who don't expect me to know of thier existance, and i will just step into their lives again. My secret is MSN CALANDER!, works for me cuz i check my mail everyday.

What im doing with my holiadys are abit dull. i suppose every extremely lazy person would do this."Rot". It is defined by ME as the upmost and utter wastage of time through senseless and sometimes boring activities that are commonly repetitive and takes place indoor. They include computer games,IM,watching movies.Besides that
ive been going out quite a lil but seemed to died down abit.Anyway i needa do some clothing shopping soon, not sure when but lazyness is getting the hold of me once again.And thats not the only thing its defeated.The other day is my physical routine,ima get that fixed soon. Intending to resume cca training next month, hopefully didn't miss out too much.

The Croc Hunter

2006-09-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

wow news sure spreads fast, i awoke and heard my aussie hacking mates about the funny fiasco, i was googling and there was 1 result on aussie news, then it became cnn then msn now everyone has this turtle showing some form of global respect thingy.
i suppose its just bad luck, being killed by a stingray is just rare.Its quite a big loss to the animal community, much of the funs i gains from his fame goes back to nature conservation and its really quite a setback. You know i didn't quite like his animal planet shows, i dun like ANY animal shows anyway but what i did like was his passion and gusto towards the animals.
Well i guess he died doing what he loved :)
PEACE OUt

Holi daze

2006-09-01T15:39:00.000+08:00

Okay went to mshs for teachers day,skipped 45mins of exam time
but i suppose i it was in a extend worth it. went to meet teachers,shook hands,talk cock
making presence know... blahblahblah. went out later ..had some fun for the msot part
mingyi got approached tobe a model and for his benefit i shall say they had some good taste :P

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My first attempt @ poetry.

2006-08-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

specie and squalor dwindle

utter flesh twinkle

literati's demur

what art thy?

amor est vitae.

Well cuz somepeople ask me what is this about?i shall do some explaination on my first serious poetical attempt.This poem is about the most profound feeling in the world, love.well i got inspired cuz of the power it possessed that affected the people around me.Proceeding the 1st line of the first stanza(theres only one) talks about how money and other vices dissipate in the sight of it.nothing has the same ability to cause hurt or healing. 2nD line tells us that nobody can escape this. It is all a matter of time, age or form.It shows the unversial effects of it.The 3rd stanza talks about the literary intelligentsia or elite of societies's debate about it,displays the unfanthomable profound meaning of it ...soo goes on to ask what it is. ends of with a famous latin phrase that says love is vital/essential.

Dark Blue!!

2006-08-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

man so many cool songs these days.
anyway just got back tired after listening to li sheng jie's concert
it was pretty good but didn;t excite me as much as it would if it was
FIR or cyndi or jolin :p
anyway ming kinda had a rough day or maybe hes just sleepy i wonder
wads wrong...hmmmmz
exams are comming soon gotto start to MUG which ive recently figured im abit
slower tos tart than the average student.
nothing much to post today.
just chill!
Peace out

Are you a scatman?!

2006-08-13T12:05:00.000+08:00

heh yesterday was my mums birthday!
happy birthday!! ima good son okay! contrary to what some people say.
:P i managed to catch abit of fireworks but got blocked by the hotel
while watching on the bridge of suntec. Unlike last time,
fireworks doesn't make me sad! it makes me happy!!!!
yay.
jian hong writes lengthy post these days, must have alot of things happening,
too bad i dun see him around even though he lives like 300m away from me..
just talked to him,seems alrite! for now... do hope he gets past his situation soon.
ooo. snowpatrol on tv,now its all gonna get spoiled :( time to find a new song!
u know i kinda hate those people who only look for youself for ulterior motives...
like someone who doesn't look for you like 10months then suddently popups saying
HEY CAN u do so and so for me? im getting more and more of this. I so wanted to say
DO I look like your free handyman? i mean COMMON, im not some dirty rag
that can be thrown away when u dun need me. o well lets just block them...
12 people encounting...
O jack johnson is good rihinna too...
i had a nice chat with someone on the bus back today as well =>
i always like talking just 1 to 1, its gives me insight on how people think and
what i should consider when doing actions that may directly or indirectly affect others.
actually after thinking carefully, i think i have quite a rough and highly conflictive nature,
someone is gonna brush me or vice versa..either way friction!...of course im in the middle
of refining my character.
HEY promiscous girl,wherever u are, im all alone and its you that i want!

so sick of love song society......

Fireworks _\ | / _

2006-08-12T12:27:00.000+08:00

weeeee fireworks went to see with my classmates today
it was quite funnnnn wait i go post the video!
lol its kinda rotated.. see from the left

Seriously...

2006-08-07T20:29:00.000+08:00

Day passed without much events, the end is near
and other polys are having exams and stuff, quite worried for some people.
for myself as well. i dun think im working hard enough.
well today i found out some truth about some people
and to say the least is quite disappointing, i mean there was many opportunities
to say it... abit late now rite? i dun like to doubt, but i am doubting.... for once.
im sorry but for that second i really did.
will this be a irrepairable facture in this bond?
the mind games were fun @ the beginning but now they are tiring
if this was ur intention in the beginning
congrats, u win... i really cannot defend against it anymore,
this constant vigilance in trying to figure the truthness of things
is making me tired. let me rest

i recieved news about the reshuffling of groups, i guess ill have to go...
60% chance.after all, the girls are quite bonded in their mini girl gang...
so let me prepare myself to get transferred.
I hope i led my team correctly or else ill get some black faces from
mr roache too. In any case, let me not habour ill feelings anymore,
it was truely in a way fun to work with them...
the small things i appreciated them doing,even though we
started off on a wrong foot.

Overall, everything is dipping a little again..
i suppose its like econs, a cycle of ups and downs
small problems, hopefully ill get over it soon.
so much for keeping the blog unknown.
well maybe its time to invite noise in, lets see how it goes.

YI BAI DU

2006-08-06T20:10:00.000+08:00

thats me struggling with chinese :)

today, i killed an auntie LOL well maybe not auntie just some woman.
well i was like rushing to get a haircut so i went to one near my house
and i rushed it and she was like u sure alot of suiters now that u do braces
and everything.i kinda gave a smirk and didn't bother LOL
its quite funny actually.Didn't quite view myself as a very eligible bachelor
these days after past events in school.Im not the person who has the best personality
looks,intelligence or physique. what makes you think i got alot of suitors?

anyway they kinda styled my hair,and i overall was very PLEASED but the thing right
after today no more!. WHY? cuz i dunnoe how to do my own hair la. LOl im quite a failure in
this section. IM TRYING but really dunnoe. well good luck to me on that.
OYA if u see me please tell me to study, i know i will not!
exams comming everything study, i sense a repeat of slacking incident!

Dum Dee Dum

2006-08-05T17:52:00.000+08:00

My friend does this on his blog,changing colour and stuff!
i wonder if it works.. i suppose its just to keep things more lively!
these days,there are more people telling me about themselves! or at least their
lil problems...im quite hAPPy people tell me about it! THE TRUSTtt
reminds me of my role last time,listening to problems and stuff
now ive become the problematic one lol!
someone asked me to go ESCAPE today but i dun quite wanted to,
i remember genting..although i went for most of the rides,there was this
super increase in heart rate when the thing goes downwards.....i dun like that
lol! feels like its a heart attack or smth,and after all im not those who shout,i just
grind my teeth and plunge!
Guess what? projects over! finally can rest but exams are comming,just a short-lived happyness
for awhile but i appreciate anything that comes!>>>
Grey and 13! remember.

Adventure Forever!

2006-08-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

Maybe not for some people.
My friend is leaving Adventure CLUB!!!
Well i didn't expect him to have stayed after all
training has just gone from slack to slacker.
Sad though, it was really fun having them around.
O well,with that comes news of withdrawing from the
kayaking competition! anyway its a double kayak so
i think im not going to. thats not the only reason of course,
the other part of the reason is that i dun think im ready...
i always had the spirit of leading people in me
and yet im not fit enough to lead...LITERALLY.
so for although im missing out on A TON of seal points
i think its becomming clearer that the decision to
withdraw is the right one.

Projects..Projects...Projects?

2006-07-31T18:32:00.000+08:00

Just 2 left to go!!!!! can u feel the relief!??!?! yep me neither.
My friend's friend is back! theres nothing much there.
all i know if hes a friend of that friend... he should be nice.
i think or just weird spastically insane like me!. hmmm i prefer the former.

relations within my class is improving ! everything seems to be finally on the right track. ofcourse ive been hearing some bad things about certain people.Just happy not to be included.ill probably just wanna keep alow-profile now.I do ask myself why i ended in such a situation In the first PLACE? its this little thing that someone told me the other day. that person said i always had this formality,a good first impression but then it comes BLANK for awhile,then if all goes well, a concetrated dose of what i call "BESLEY" will come blasting at you. i kinda do feel this is some vague way to desribe my weir..unique personality. if any one sees me around DO CALL ME,im a nice person! REALLY!.

if i survive this week...FINALLy can get to relax.!!!

servile fawning...

2006-07-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

Spending a sad saturday in front of my computer again! funny how sad and saturday both start with S huh? heh <--- OOOO another set of same letters again.
So school(again) life is getting better, and with that comes deprovement,that is, being obsequious and complacent.I predict a drop in results but of course what ive learned all month is having some faith in yourself.

Everything routine, nothing out of the ordinary even project is same same...BUT seems i recovered faster this week :)...LEVEL UP! okay im not a pokemon... just a tiny puny increase in fitness level. yea so thats it.Felix's blog is starting preaching some crazy things and i have no idea what the hell its about. Jian seems to be going through some situations.Anddddd mingyi has no blog. yep thats about that for blog hopping.

Hopefully something exciting happens later so i can update.

Drift! Drift Drift away!

2006-07-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

The aftermath of actual ac trainning #2.
Someone is following me into AC!, looks like theres gonna be less
boredom and more chatting again! 3 cheers to that!!!@!@#!
i think im adapting to the trainning now...seems easily abit
at this rate! i can achieve my masterplan soon! one that ive delayed
all my life.

talking about friends,its just these days that i started to wonder if i
invested in the right ones.The one that seems to similar to be are yet so far
away, maybe its the similar personalities that repels us.. but that is so true
to all but 1. This is like physicist trying to prove the string/M theory is right,
AKA The equation of the universe.I dunnoe but its seems to be or as one of my poly friend said,in the times of friction with other classmates,just be yourself.Now im confused by my own concepts of magnetic personalities and well everything in the world.All i know there are few good people,and fewer great ones.

Another thing that happened is... my primary school teacher died.and i can say is "OH WELL".i dun feel any sadness strangely,maybe cuz it truely has been awhile and she didn't quite teach anything in p1 ... maybe english but these memories have faded with time, i can hardly remember anything beyond p6.Pathetic but true.

Anyway,an apple is an apple,not an orange or so my accounting teacher says.Stupid analogy LOL.its just time for me to invest in other people till i hit another right friendship :) .

Measures of a nice friend:
Blog
Birthday(50% effective)
Remembering Stuff
Intangible Feeling of sincerity
Trust

Quaint and baroque

2006-07-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

In times of new friends,new life and new routines,
it seems the world has left me behind just a little.
Everyone is moving forward,impertinently enthralled about the new people
in their lifes.I definitely should do the same,but it seems im not ready
to let go of the past... hopefully in time i will.Unfortunately, time is short
but ive found allies within these few individuals and they are helping me
integrate.Eventually, i know ill get along fine with the current people having situations about me.In about a 3/8 of a years time, we may never see each other again,better a friend than an enemy.

But for now, ill just stay in the darkness,forgotten,faded from memories, awaiting those who will need me.
simultaneously,trying to enguage more people into my circle.

In other observations i made today, i saw a certain someone who was very upset,
i could tell it was sensitive problems in relationships. Of course the girl gang always sticks together so i was apprehensive about intervening, maybe if i had a chance,i would.For now, best of wishes to her,even if she might be one of those who is currently having class political issues with me.

Travel & Adventure.

2006-07-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

The past weeks has been busy,ive hardly enough sleep.The simple rountine wake up,school,comp,work,sleep and it all begins again.Today, there the world cup finale,
GO ITALY..i think their goalie is really fantastic, hope they win, didn't bet anything though.Backtracking into last week, i gotten my results.... not as good as i would want but can't say it wasn't expected..it goes
Accounts: A
Marketing: B+
Econs: B+
Computer stuff:B+
Management:B

And for the last component,PE: E or F zz.. okay thats just put up by me
but its like a bittersweet thing cuz last week i had to run 4.8, do 100 pushups 50situps and 20pullups and it was a really horrible realisation of my fitness.
BUT thats not to say ive given up on myself, im gonan force myself to reach that standard, of course not within the course of this week or maybe even next week,
BUT I WILL GET THERE,even if it means crawling.Just gotto thank jeremy and dingyi for their vote of confidence the other training day.

As for my social status presently, lets say i should be alot better forging relations. Im not sure why, but something mingyi say did make me think... and various incidence did reinforce this logic. That is probably self-esteem, i notice myself being very faithless these days, defeated before starting to do anything..
im just not being myself at all, i can't let go of the past i think.... ive gotto learn to let loose even with all the friction going on with me and my classmates.

Hopefully, everything gets better....

Ice of apathy.

2006-06-30T09:56:00.000+08:00

Today is such a good day! i finally broke the ice with some members of theeee cca,
its not so boring anymore...its kinda sad why my entire class doesn't like take a cca. Mostly anyway.Today im gonna be a event official for the football mania thing for my school! soooo FUnnNnnnnNn.. i hope

its funny how a few days back i was feeling the isolation of things. i mean i dun quite like how some people in my project group does things. its just doesn't produce quality work. and afterall, the goal is to do a good job instead of get the job done.
Ultimately we all want a A but since things are going this way, B will do fine.Hopefully i won't have to do project work with them like for all the 3 years.
if not... im really gonna have some communication problems. Since its like the start-mid of poly life, i am not gonna start a war or show my fury.. just YET.
but truely i find people taking advantage of my mild personality, maybe its time to show how truely aggressive i can get.. when the word consquence doesn't mean anything in that moment.

Clubberrsss unite!!!

2006-06-20T15:21:00.000+08:00

went MOS the other day
it was fantastic, lol didn't need the vip pass eka got,
we were abit early.. it started abit slow but
then it got wild, i couldn't get enough of it,
its abit dirty and wild to intricatly go through the details
but it was...refreshing :)
ive been high until like now lol.
WEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
lets go again. WHY can't i turn off the rADIO?

astute subtlety

2006-06-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

... i lost teeth...
someone plucked them and im bleeding...
and omg.
Okay so there was little pain, some violence
it is so not fun though LOL
lucky i had some nice mac breakfast in the morning

so what happened the past few days?
ming showing me some attitude, i think i pangseh his basketball la
I KNOW, iM TRYING but who knew jarret asked me go zhen yang house,
then i wanted to say NO but qin yi was like... forcing me to go..
and i succumed to weakness and WENT!... had to rush off my house in 5mins
lol it was pretty fun, after all the crowd were cool :)
i like their songs. and they showed me WOW and it was really fun though
im so addicted to buy but.... holiday is only 2 weeks and its not worth to buy atm
im still bleeding.. my keyboard looks red now LOL

im looking forward to losing the braces LOl.
okay thats it for today

Nostalgic!

2006-06-08T19:35:00.000+08:00

Zz i wonder what hysen wanted again...
he called me was like nevermind...
hmmm hes fishy as usual,i wonder whats he up to
O speaking of people in AI, i saw zhirong the other day
near TM, how conincidental... its nice to see some old peeps again
appears that hes doing well :)
lol strange hows people's eyes convey everything
could see the shock... O YA i helped a uncle on the way back
LOL im sure ill have some good karma now or smth
=D
i kinda miss the old school, i missed the dive trip cuz of exams and all
Zz

NUS 92?

2006-06-07T07:54:00.000+08:00

Its quite funny about on the controversy stirs so easily
for a small advertisment.....
Anyway my 2 cents, maybe the university names could be left
out next time,instead of blatantly comparing to what
is, obviously higher standard.But the intention was
noble,and id liked it for the most part.

seems like everyone is on holiday EWE!
and rui's presence seem to be boosted somewhat
lol, this might show he REALLY WAS BZ with work
for the past months wow.

6.6.6

2006-06-06T07:44:00.000+08:00

ZZ i guess the world didn't end after all
or i wouldn't be sitting for my marketing test today...
crap. all that pent-up hope for nothing

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr crap up my holidays still haven't start
and theres diving already.. and like everyone is going except me
and my teeth hurts and ............

4 MORE TEST! i will survive(JESUS version) [ if u know what im talking about]
lol.

i should be studying

2006-06-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

Reflect!Repent!Redemption!
I was thinking the other day....
about hysen adding me LOL
then i remembered i accidentally clicked block
now i gotto get back the contact Zz
dunnoe where to find it...

i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying
i should be studying

Zz.Day of sabbath?

2006-06-03T09:51:00.000+08:00

O man everyone's having holidays
and im still waiting for the exams LOL
thats just pityful......
Stress has been getting into my head lately,
and seeing how some of the "senior" marist are doing now...
im not sure if im up to it,
but i do believe in getting what u deserve
and some of them,truely deserved that kinda marks...
its saturday, and i have test on monday.. intend to mug on sunday.
AND theres YOUTUBE TO take away my boredom

'
spastic things always get my attention lol

Lost times...

2006-06-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

Didn't blog for the past fews days
BEEN extremely busy with everything
im wondering what im doing up at 12:35am
doing a freaking progress report due tmr
ZZ. this is just sad.
ANYWAY i had a great time yesterday meeting
up with the old buddies again,the people who have greater
depth in understanding me lol,alot easier to express myself
especially ming =)
it was nice and all everyone seems to be doing fine, after all
we didn't see each other for about a few months now, and everyone seemed
to change a lil. interesting.
hopefully have more of those lil fun outings.
of course on the way there,on a bus i saw this crazy scientist looking oldman
it was freaky in a sense but reminds me that at least 100,000 people are still living below poverty line in singapore. :)
be nice to people.... unless they go all nuts and attack u.

Pseudo psalms

2006-05-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

Saturday!!!!
I never so looked forward to a saturday as today
School has just begun started to get a tad more stressful.
And next week is the term test already, everything moves so fast.
a month + has just gone by so quickly.
Crap i came on to wc3 after so long and first thing i found out
was some arguement...i DID TRY To stay neutral but i ended up
dosing everyone LOL. well dun care lah, and ming the escape artist..
ESCAPED again...i wonder if there will be any activity tomorrow
and stumbled unto someone's blog again :| some jiajian
he was with the 05 mshs diver..crap the thing is i cannot GO
so upsetting. Zzzzzzz...
AND im putting on braces soon..
AND i joined adventure club
AND i signed for NYAA
doesnt seems to be anything yet
time to STEP UP the heat.
FASTER FASTER FASTER. push the limits!

illumination!

2006-05-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

i feel the long winded today and let me being entry 134.
and like every other normal day.... i was taking the bus
very tired and sleepy... u know the feeling when ur thinking
and in the corner of ur eye, u notice how the outside background
starts to pass faster and faster till u make no more notice of it.
so i was passing through vertigo..... and then once again
the great jc thought came again...he came and passed
stealing some happiness along the way. but i did question
why i wanted to go. well the answer wasnt because i wanted to be a
victorian or a saint...it was because of the people there.
thats why. its the people that i wanted to know and i know is there.
then from this stupor,i awoke by the sounds of dan brown controversy.
as the movie gets closer, once again the commotion about god arises.
there is reason to believe there was "god".. whether he was divine or not
a prophet or a liar is still open to debate. unfortunately i still see
pious people being very sensitive about this issue. well in my relativisit opinion,
true or false... hmm lets just say i haven't seen anything divine happening to me yet
and...actually its abit less than nice. not that im a aethist or anything but i keep an
open mind about gods. its is common that some great teacher or philospher become
elevated to a state of being almighty. yet there were just mere mortals but no doubt with
great wisdom.
school wise... everything is just starting to cramp onto me, im not sure how the jc peeps are handling
though, eric is going all nuts apparently from his lil blogpost. the pressure isn't doing quite well on me anyway
im still pulling myself together and juggling school load.. isnt very ez even especially now the distance is a factor to be taken into consideration. i lowered my expectations abit... more realistic goals B+ !
gpa:3.5
work.work.

when nature bites back @ you ROFL.

2006-05-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

the story begins when i was happily doing my things one day
and suddenly i notice i was feeling abit colder than normal,
and what do u know, the very next day dang dang. totally
lack of strength... went school half day came home 3/4 dead.
and after sleeping became 7/8 dead. crazy excruiating aches..
i swear its like knifes cutting u. nearly went to see the doctor
until i took some lil pills which put me back at ease.
so far so goooood. of course not yet in the pink of HEALTH

anyway during this extremely freetime which i am not suppose to go anywhere
and of course i didn't lah. i barely can move around without feeling sudden
changes in temperature. and so i was reading the first few post of my blog.
and i found out! i hate school!!!!!.. lol i probably evolved to like it more n more
im not sure when this happened but its good to know that im progressing.
1 step back 2 steps forward rite? i suppose reflecting the past show how to improve in future or in historical sense not committ the same mistakes again.
blah o well i shall review more next time.

and about specs.. i hate it
i find it worst when putting it on after taking it off ater long periods of time.
that stinks.

if ur feeling bored and nv seen this b4 :D
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8787167598122974422&q=pokemon
have fun

Test of Faith??!?!

2006-05-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

To start off, i was actually quite self-impressed when i help this
lil stranger help her find her "Crystal" earing. lol its quite fun actually,
it actually feels nice to help someone, its been awhile since i had
this..divine sensation. so anyway i was thinking of a way to identify
close friends :D the most common way is the birthday quizzzzzzzzzzz
but i dun dare ask in fear that the results are not as i imagined.
of course u could always look left of this blog :\ and see it
but those who actually make an effort to remember is definately a close friend of yours BUT those who dun doesn't mean they aren't but... it could.. small controversial issues lol.
On my other agenda,im working on a way to revamp myself in every aspect.
hopefully i will achieve this soon. targetting end of the year.
shouldn't be too long :) im comming up with a timetable now =p

BAM

2006-05-14T20:25:00.000+08:00

that was the sound of if hitting me.
now what was that?
well, i was talking to my friend..in a main area of tp
cannot remember exactly who,i was like asking wow
everyone so enthu...why ar? she replied this invisible force...
because its still the beginning of the year,its always like that.
Retrospectively speaking, a sudden epiphany passes through me just now
about how real this is to me. i can almost relate to it 90%

so how does this relate to me? well for a start u can say im actually slacking
my ass off here. it seems i have forgotten my committment to studying,
ive forgotten how and why i got into this place in the first place.
i have.i can remember mr koh telling me that duh just keep saying okay, do it
when i expressed my regret in my results. im losing my steam already and its not even like half a semester. I HAVE TO relight my fire.
but how. i now will attempt to renew my original reason and motivation to studying!

Ornithological specimens of the same plummage conggregate in proximities.

2006-05-11T15:49:00.000+08:00

short post.
-played pool with my classmates
-saw the new class T design
-Excited about tmr's outing
-BLAH
-marketing director still not hired
-thinking of monIES!

Well today went to watched mI 3,
it was...action packed friday..that lamborgini...boom...
on the way i saw alot of old marist. seems they are doing okay.
i think jer,yanhan,someguywhosnameidunnoe,max.
so anyway i had to sacrifice quite a number of other things to
go there,i hope it was appreciated. and that rui still disappoints,
he still never went.sigh talk about catching up.
anyway i suppose thats cuz hes in JC
people in poly are either average or extremely smart.
why? cuts 1 - 2 years off uni. isn't that even better than JC.
pfftt anyway talking of jc, i still have this small doubt in making the right
choice going to poly. and now this fear has developed in me that
i may end up nowhere. and this phobia is defacto the most important
insecurity that will affect me in considering every decision i make.
hopefully 10 years from now, i can say i made a right choice.

Impetuous

2006-05-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

Well today was another statisfying day.
why?
well marketing teacher wacked me with a series of questions again
like the accounting teacher. lol dunnoe why so suay these days
always kana my turn. but im very happy la, maybe i get happy easily
but i managed to defend myself and i think im kinda like the resident class
smarty guy which isn't too nerdy i hope. LOL and the teacher actually said
u did very well :)

of course this is different from getting a real factual nice fat solid "A"
yet but at least its a good start. im hoping for a 3.2 gpa and get into probably
business management in SMU in future. juggling attitude,intelligence,character
is quite fun lol. i shall decide tmr to be humble a little :|
im doing myself proud atm! so everything is good.
feels like i still could have gone the jc route :/
suffice to say their loss.
retrospectively speaking, ive come along way in getting that A
in such a short period of time.
i saw this from somewhere.....
Its not that it is not hard,It is hard,its just we grown accustomed to the difficulty
wack as hard as u can, do not regret what u do.

Belligerence

2006-05-07T10:54:00.000+08:00

You know one thing i hate is narcissism aka self-centeredness
selfish acts.You don't have to been crazyily considerate, thoughtful or even kind
donating money everywhere BUT you don't need to be so focused on yourself.
THe other type of people i hate is the goddamn people who talks the entire day
and in the end doesn't even examplify what they say.I dun mind the nagging,reasoning or logic BUT if u keep advising something which u urself dun even do... its actually quite pathatic.

Unfortunately for me, im seeing a increase of this type of people and as my lecturer says increase in apathy or indifference. people who flock to u when they have problems or want you to do something but when u ask them for a simple favour, u get nothing or worst IGNORED. for this kinda people, when u get mind-boggling problems, or heart-wretching difficulty, u deserve it.

for my classification if i haven't said already, in a contemporary and modern judgement.
1.Those that Msn people
2.Those that People msn them
3.Those that are caught inbetween of different degrees

if are are 2,i really think u should reconsider who your friends are,for chances are
they may be shallow towards you.

Fascades of life

2006-05-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

>.<
yesterday was like the most suayest day :so all i was doing innocently waking up and
going on the bus and i took the opposite direction.
it was like hmmmm this doesnt seem right but i contiuned until
everyone got off. then of course i did
and then i realised i was in AMK near the lanning shop.
i was like O SHIT then i go hail cab
but infront people keep koping then i go infront...
NO CAB FOR TWenty minutes...
run opposite mrt and took fuck long to reach tampinese
because some asshole pressed the emergency buttons
and we waited 10mins
and then rush a 240 and was abit 1min late =)
bloody hell.

aand travel fares are fucked
not that i cannot afford it
BUT ITS making me top up every week :bazs.

then then yesterday i went out with my new poly friends :)
and that DIK said HE KNOWS i like someone....
wtf?????? no go la. interclass relations are a big nono
thus conclude not possible.
AND ALSO IN class theres this accounts teacher who is like
gonna jixiao me for the rest of the year.
well it all started during attendance taking
and she was like interesting name and like
do u know whats the meaning of it???
then she was like DO YOU?
i reacted quite defensively i think so
i said self-explaintory.and of course i paid the price
for the entire tutorial with questions questions and more of it
LUCKILY i came prepared. hopefully i shall keep a low profile
soon...i still want 10% class participation marks though.
AND BTW SOMEONE please jio watch MI3
i hasn't watch yet, quite upsetting really.

o yes political rally, tada! pap win but theres about
5% increase in opposition votes. we wouldn't know whats happening
next elections by that time we are voters :) dun disappoint me.

Phantasmagoric..

2006-04-28T17:24:00.000+08:00

i think im growing callous......
i was walking back from the interchange today
and this oldman ask me for like a buck
and i didnt have coins @ the moment
so i kinda la rejected him.........
i could have just given him 2 bucks
but i didn't.
hmm am i being devoided of feelings.
these days im seeing alot of my old self
remergeing again,memories just keep triggering
off.

do u think people are deserving of your concern
when they do not even show any in return.
im not sure... noticed most assholes
appear nice but are in fact not
and most people who appear assholeish
are the nicest people around
and there are those are appear asshole-like
and are assholes. those are people like..
nvm

what the hell im a thinking..

irony...or no irony....that is not the question.

2006-04-27T17:37:00.000+08:00

BLAH!
been complaining about having no time to blog
now when i found the time, i dunnoe what to type..
"Welcome to RE**** management"
That is the words i saw on the powerpoint slide on my
first official lesson in tp.Maybe cuz i hate the name so
i dun quite like it.So theres the new guy today.......
as usual all the newbie freshies are all quiet during the
first few days.Im still lamenting if joinning tp was the right choice anot
im very sure that majority of the people in RMT didnt quite put it as
top choice anyway.
Im starting to feel the strain on my old friendships already
and its been very early.Reminsciening about the past
makes me wonder if ill revert back to my old self.Those were..proud times
but everything comes at a cost, i dun think i wanna go back there.
Eric seems to be up to something, and i dunnoe what.
and i dun like being in the dark. o well what does it matter to me anyway.
poly is definately drainning, no thanks to the inhumanly long journey to and fro.
i need somewhere to destress or something. i got many things running through my head
and everything works on a timeline....and im not sure what im suppose to do.
hopefully everything works out. should i be contented with what i have?
everything i challenge just seems to fail. im not sure if i wanna carry on.
someone tell me why i keep trying to change things.

Esoterical!

2006-04-26T11:58:00.000+08:00

well the other day just had a short chat with felix
seems like hes doing pretty well.
felix is pretty extraordinary i would say
im actually quite surprised someone his age already knows
what he wants to do
and added with that natural resourcesfulness,hes alreadying
making his marks on the industries's stepping stones.
You know, at first i thought what the hell is he thinking,
doing what bodybuilding nonsense and stuff like that.
honestly, i still have abit of doubts on it but
passion is also very important in what u do.
and despite all the uncertainty of not making it,
he seems to be doing the impossible.
anyway i wish him the best of luck in that "PERCULIAR" ,as ming likes to call it,
interest.

Lost Faith

http://acontrariansjournal.tumblr.com/

Post no #200

Lets get going.

wohoo.

ROAR.

=]

The Enabler & the Enabled

Counter-Intuitive

Rushes!

Start Anew

The handyman.

The need

Terrific conclusion

An interesting journey.

open up your plans and damn you're free

Emo Kid

Life's Unfair.

A Realisation

The power of an Idea.

Self-Direction.

The predicament

perception

Craft to Confront

The frog in the well

Perturbed!

The Flaw In My Plan

My Portfolio!

The problem with choice.

Borat SEXY TIME!

Satisfy ME!

Pressure!

My thoughts in bluE

You dog!

Okay okay!

The Deed is Done

Reverse the world!

The Croc Hunter

Holi daze

My first attempt @ poetry.

Dark Blue!!

Are you a scatman?!

Fireworks _\ | / _

Seriously...

YI BAI DU

Dum Dee Dum

Adventure Forever!

Projects..Projects...Projects?

servile fawning...

Drift! Drift Drift away!

Quaint and baroque

Travel & Adventure.

Ice of apathy.

Clubberrsss unite!!!

astute subtlety

Nostalgic!

NUS 92?

6.6.6

i should be studying

Zz.Day of sabbath?

Lost times...

Pseudo psalms

illumination!

when nature bites back @ you ROFL.

Test of Faith??!?!

*BAM*

Ornithological specimens of the same plummage conggregate in proximities.

Impetuous

Belligerence

Fascades of life

Phantasmagoric..

irony...or no irony....that is not the question.

Esoterical!

BAM